PROLOGUE
Perhaps you have heard of me.
Perhaps you know as to who I am. My name is Misha,
only Misha. I know of no other name given to me. My
patriarchal name is perhaps none existent. I do not
know from whence my name came, but it was surely
given to me from my parents–if I had any. You
see, I am no longer part of the living. My days in
reality–firmly rooted when they existed–are
long gone. I am now apart of hell, forced to wander
the endless corridors forever...for eternity. Do you
know how long eternity is? You living only seem to
understand time. You see, there is no time in hell.
There is only pain and suffering...and eternity.
Imagine if you were pricked by a needled for the rest
of eternity, not your existence. That time, your
existence, is too short to comprehend. So how can I
possibly expect you to understand eternity?
There is a saying here
in hell. Life starts when the flesh weakens.
It is true. There are so many truths you cannot
fathom unless you forget about the flesh. The
flesh–your skin, muscles, bones,
structure–all are useless. You cannot take them
with you to the afterlife. You cannot take them with
you to damnation. There is no heaven, there is no
God. There is only eternity. What you would consider
the Human Condition, I consider ill-fated destiny.
How can you study that which does not exist in the
greater scheme of things? You cannot imagine how
small and finite your time on earth is. You cannot
imagine...because you have not experienced.
It was said that
humans have this inert ability to understand that
which is not possible. Humans have created the idea
of God, Heaven, Purgatory, Sin, Lust, Greed, Love,
Hate...all these things. Why? Think about it.
Organized religion is exactly that...organized to
steal, rob, lie, cheat. There is no heaven...there is
only hell and eternity. Suffering. Pain. These are
tangible things that exists within the realm of the
Human Condition. How can you understand that which
you cannot see, touch, feel?
Rambling am I? Well.
The point is that there is a heaven...it exists
within ourselves. Our willingness to survive. Our
desire for pleasures of the flesh. These are our
methods of salvation. To lust, not love. To kill, not
give birth. To suffer, not be happy or feel joy.
These are the greatest experiences of them all. Only
a handful of people realize this. And those great
souls belong here in hell, with me and Leviathan.
Leviathan is the
keeper of hell, protector, overseer, Lord. He rules
our nights, our dreams, our lives–or at least
what is left of it. Let me relate to you a story
which I am quite fond of. It begins on a stormy day
in August–on the shores of Atlantic City, New
jersey...
A
SUMMER'S DRIVE
A typical day perhaps, but not
for me. I drove up the coast to visit the casino with
some friends. We had been drinking a little, smoking
some marijuana. It was the dawn of a new day, yet the
skies were dark and overbearing. I was in the
driver's seat, gleaming looks at the rear-view
mirror. Maribeth sat in the back...God was she
gorgeous. I was only nineteen. Fresh out of high
school, ready for the real world. I had been waiting
for this trip...seems like this side of eternity.
Chris sat in the passenger seat next to me and Katie
was in the back with Mares.
At this point, I had a
name. What it is, I don't know. My memories of my
name are somehow blocked, locked away in a vault.
Misha was all I know, but that name was given to me
by Pinhead. He had shown me that way week.
The drive itself was
okay. I had been drinking, but not drunk. I smoked a
cigarette on that drive up–several, actually. We
have been living in Philadelphia. New Jersey was only
a forty minute drive, but to get to Atlantic City was
almost an hour and a half. Make that an hour with me
driving. There are no state troopers clocking my
speed. Did I mention the year? Yeah, it was...it
was...the year...you know, I don't seem to remember.
Not important. What is, is that we made it up in one
piece. No accidents, no tickets, no puking. Everyone
was fine.
We checked into the
hotel on the boardwalk. I remember how expensive it
was. Fifty dollars a night for one room. We had to
get two. Mares looked out of the seventh story window
towards the tides. She was lost in thought.
"Hey. Are you
okay?" I asked.
"Yeah," she
said. She seemed lost. Her gaze was blank and yet
full of awe. "It's beautiful, isn't it?
"It sure
is." I got behind her, wrapping my arms around
her stomach. She was pregnant. This I did not know at
the time, of course. Perhaps three days, maybe a
week. But in any case, my knowledge of that came too
late to be of concern.
"Where do you
think we'll be in ten years?" She looked back at
me, turning her body a few seconds later so that she
was hugging me–her head resting on my shoulder.
"I don't know. If
my life goes as expected, we should be married,
retired, watching our kids go to off to
college." I smiled a small crease.
"No, silly. I
said ten years, not ten days from now." She
looked up at me, smiling. Her face reminded me of an
angel's–soft, caring, sweet, innocent. It was
like no other I had ever seen.
"I don't know.
Really. I figure I should have this whole issue with
my parents put a side. We should be married by then,
maybe a few kids. Why?"
"Just wondering.
I see myself as a successful business woman. You
know, publishing those books I've always wanted
published. A small independent publishing house would
be nice."
"So you keep
saying." I held her in my arms, looking out the
window my self. The seas really were calm and quiet.
Relaxing, really. The view was splendid and well
worth the money.
We met in the lobby, meeting up with
Chris and Katie for the first time that afternoon. We
had all been busy unpacking of course. Three weeks in
sunnyville. What a perfect life being young.
We had gone out to lunch, the
four of us. There was a restaurant on Sixth Street,
near the corner of Palmdale. I remember that place.
It was really wasn't a restaurant, more like a
bistro. It's choice of food seemed to be all Italian.
Spaghetti, pasta, pizza–all the typical foods
Italians would eat. It sounded rather good...plus we
were all hungry. Lunch consisted of some garlic
bread, a side of mozzarella sticks, and Fettuccini
for the main course. It was quite good, especially
for the area that we were in. Normally, this was gang
county...or something similar.
After our lunch, we all went
back to the boardwalk and then the beach, taking in
the scene and relaxing even further. There must have
been something like twenty or thirty life guards out
that day, maybe because of the ominous weather. It
did look bad, causing some concern among the girls as
to whether to return to the hotel. By then, it was
four in the afternoon. The sun was on its way down,
the clouds obscuring the blue sky hidden behind.
We had decided instead to head
for the casino, even though we were underage. No one
had asked us what are age was or to see our
identifications. We gambled, won, lost, had fun.
Until we entered a small room in the back of the
Sands. There was a Chinese man hidden behind the
curtains. He was selling something. It looked rather
interesting. There was a gold-looking box before him,
several in fact. They had a delicate looking ornate
design engraved on the six sides of the cube.
"I am Ku Lang. I selling
mystical boxes. Are puzzles for you solve. Five
dolla." The man looked honest enough, and they
did look interesting.
I purchased two of them. One I
gave to Chris, the other Mares and I kept. The deal
was finished. The man got up and walked out of the
casino. Apparently, another day of selling was
completed.
"Weird guy, huh?"
Mares kept an eye on him as he exited the Sands. I
looked over to her, flashing her a wink.
"He might be odd, but this
is gorgeous. The detail is incredible."
"I don't know. It looks
nice, but what are you going to do with it?" The
question came from Katie. She looked over at me, then
Chris. Each of us was holding a box.
"Makes a good paper
weight," Chris said.
"Yeah. Actually, I want to
solve it. It's like that Rubik's cube we had.
Remember? The one you could never get?"
"Yeah," Chris pointed
his finger my way. "...and this bastard walks
into my room and finishes it in a matter of
seconds."
"It was already half done.
You just needed to twist it a few more times."
"Right."
With that, the day ended quite
eventfully. We returned to the hotel, crashing in a
matter of minutes upon our arrival.
TWO
CONFIGURATIONS
I could not for the life of me sleep that
night. I twisted and turned in the bed, waking
Maribeth several times. Every time, she went back in
a matter of seconds. I got up from the bed, walked to
the bathroom and began to wash my face. I succumbed
to the idea of trying to solve the box. That was what
had been keeping me up. I could not place the box and
its design out of my mind. It was like an obsession.
I touched the box, slightly
with my fingertips at first. After a minute, I lifted
the box with both hands. I sat Indian-style in front
of the television set in the main room. I had all the
lights on a dim setting. There was an urgent sense of
danger as I began to fiddle with the cube. It was
like a sense of dread.
I put the box down, fearing it
now. I had flashes in my mind's eye. Flashes of so
many things, it was all so overwhelming. LeMarchand.
Philip LeMarchand. That was the creator of the box. I
saw him. I saw his key to the eternal pleasures that
life had to offer. I saw the ecstasy.
The box changed it's shape
without my intervention now. It appeared to be
transforming itself. It became something else,
something more. The cube was floating three inches
off of the floor, the panels with the designs began
to separate from the cube. The panels were now an
inch away from the main cube, which on the inside was
empty. There were surges of light, curving and
swirling inside the cube itself. Is that what made
the cube work? Was that its mechanism?
The light began to seep out of
the center, circling me. It looked like it was
caressing my body, examining it, scanning for
something. Was it a probe of some kind?
I no longer felt fear, only a
surge of adrenaline throughout my body. It was
incredible, this sight before my eyes. How could
something so majestic be so small? I felt a great
urge to reach out for the light that curved in the
space around me. I wanted to capture it, put it in my
pocket. I wanted ownership of it.
Behind me, I heard the floor
open a hole and something come up. A pillar made of
something...I couldn't tell yet. I looked at it
fully, staring at it. Then I realized what I was
looking at. It was a pillar of flesh. it was a pillar
of skin torn from many different faces and stitched
to the pillar. It awoke, looking at me directly.
"What is your
pleasure?" It had spoken, softly and raspy-like.
"What?" I had asked
without even thinking about it. My mouth was
responding to something my brain had not even thought
of.
"What is your
pleasure," it repeated.
"Pleasure?"
"What is your
pleasure." That was all it kept saying. What
was my pleasure? I did not even know. I said
something though, because it drew me in. That was my
first encounter with the denizens of hell. That was
my realization that there was more to life then
pleasure. There really was a hell that contained all
manner of pain and suffering.
The stars were out. I could see
it through the window right before I stepped into the
chamber that was provided. I was attacked from the
sides by all manner of devices. There were hooks, and
sickles, and chains, and leather threads, and blood.
There was being, peace, rest. I felt all these
things. I didn't not know what I asked for from the
guardian, but it was something that had me
transformed.
More human than human. I wanted
to be more human. I wanted to learn the suffering of
the children. I had wanted answers to eternal
questions. These things I got. Like Tantalus, though,
it was within reach. If only I could reach. If only
it was not so far away. If only...
The Human Condition. I learned
that night what it was. It was not about what we went
through in life. It was about possession and
obsession. I had missed Maribeth. It had been an
eternity since I last saw her. I wanted her return.
No doubt she was distressed over my disappearance.
But I had to do it. It was what I wanted. It was what
I needed. I needed to be all these things. I
needed to be the best at what I did. My masks, my
precious masks. The skin of other humans torn and
shredded to fit my face. I had no face, no name, no
memory. What memory I did have served me only enough.
It was within reach, but was far away.
DIVINE
VISIT
The day would not hold long. I had to
visit soon. My stolen skin was decomposing. I had not
preserved it properly. It had been so long since I
had returned to the world of flesh, to those that are
alive. I wandered the corridors until I came upon the
room. It was as I had left it, so many eternities
ago. I must have been gone years, but the room was
the same. The hotel the same. Nothing changed. I
walked into the door, the door unlocked.
Maribeth was still asleep in
the bedroom, the lights on dim as I had left them.
Could time have been slower for me in hell? Could I
have been blind to the passage of it?
I walked to the bed, touching
Maribeth's soft, brown hair. It was silky, delicate,
warm. Things I had not felt in so long. She awoke.
She awoke and looked at my face. She screamed. A
burst of fear. here was a complete stranger in her
bed, staring at her, caressing her hair. It was too
much for her. She fainted, laying her head on the
pillow again.l
I looked up at the ceiling, the
mires reflecting my image. I saw myself, the beat I
had become. I screamed. I yelled for a return. I
wanted to be who I was...if I could remember. The
skin was stretched across my face, threads holding
them in. It was like I was wearing a fake mask, made
of human skin. the poor bastard's face was useless to
me now. I tore it off, looking again at the mirrors.
They hung above my head and revealed my nature, who I
was. I remembered hat I had asked of the pillar. I
wanted to be all. I wanted to know all. I didn't want
to be me. But I had only meant it awhile, not
eternity.
I picked up Maribeth's body,
just as Chris and the security people ran in. They
were horrified. The looks on their faces showed
shock. They were looking at a faceless entity,
muscles instead of skin covered my face. One of the
guards puked, vomiting gushes on the floor.
I opened a doorway to hell in
the wall and walked through. I had Maribeth, what I
had come for. My mission for this world was finished.
"What splendors there
are...you can't imagine them, Chris." I spoke my
last words as I stepped through the doorway back to
eternity. Chris stared in awe. He knew. I knew he
knew. He could see the blood in the other room where
I had been. The box in the middle. He knew.
SOMETHING
LOST
I didn't think of what I was doing. It
was impulse, really. I didn't mean to hurt the one I
loved. But I did. I had lost something, yet finding
it only meant more pain and suffering. To know my
deceit. To feel it, taste it, smell it. I had brought
into hell something that did not belong, a soul long
ago fastened to the roots in reality. Maribeth did
not belong here. She did not deserve my disdainful
act of selfishness.
So it was, I set out. On a new
mission. To convert yet another soul to please
Leviathan. Please the god who made me–or...did I
make myself? No matter, the question is unimportant.
It is Maribeth that I concern myself with now. To
change her...oh, to change her. To let her know my
mind.
The engineer was somewhere on
this level, somewhere within these decrepit walls
called hell. I have to find the changer, the one who
brings into being. Yet I cannot.
"My sweet. To feel your
flesh again. To caress your skin." I whispered
in her ear, slowly recanting my desires. I stroked
her hair, letting a sigh of relief out...desperate to
have her back in my arms.
"You have returned with a
soul," a voice said from the walls, in the
darkness.
"Cenobite lord. I have
brought your desires to you."
"My desires? Do not
confuse what is yours with what is mine."
Pinhead looked at Maribeth. "She is not one of
us. She has not discovered the mystery by
herself."
"No, but she will be one
of us. She desires it."
"Again, do not confuse
your own desires with that of others. It is
unbecoming, letting your definition define other's
needs."
"She wants...to know...the
flesh."
"Perhaps. It is not our
decision, though. You will not have her."
"I must! She is mine, from
the mortal to the immortal world. She is mine."
"You...own...nothing!
Leviathan owns all. It is up to Leviathan who will be
conceived again."
Pinhead reached out with his
mind, calling forth the chains of hell. I felt them
attach to me, ripping my skin apart. The chains
attacked Maribeth as well, pulling her body towards
him.
"No!" I yelled.
Her body was snatched from my
grasp, leaving me. It was over. Leviathan will have
his way after all.
I walked from the walls, the
shadows, bellowed my cries. The Human Condition. They
had taken what was mine., reached within my burnt
soul and cast out a demon that I had to have.
So now I walk these walls,
these shadows–aimless in my destination.
Leviathan had not turned her, but rather took her
soul and tore it apart. It was over. My soul was
gone.
[ fini ]