Futjitsu Carnes was afraid. He sat in the tiny cubicle, a seemingly innocent box puzzle clutched in his grimy claws. There were no windows, no doors, just featureless grey walls and a small round air vent in his tiny prison. He had been transported in, and that is how he would be removed, if he finished the task at hand. "Solve the puzzle, worm, and I'll let you go." Luna had said. Damned pirates. And he was damned too, damned to death at the hands of the worst band of cutthroats in the galaxy. He'd booked passage on a Reisian freighter bound for Bajor, and in retrospect, it had been the biggest mistake he'd ever made. The freighter had been hauling Romulan contraband through unprotected space, and had been attacked by pirates. And not just any pirates, either. That miseable space-bitch Cyan Luna and her alien pirates of the Blue Moon, the most feared vessel in two quadrants.

The Blue Moon had started out its existence as a Dominion battle-cruiser, until Luna had gotten ahold of it. It was the fastest ship in the galaxy, with dual cloaking devices and an FTL (Faster Than Light) Drive in addition to stolen Intrepid-Class warp drives. It had triple-layer poly-ceramic phaser resistant armor plating, quantum torpedoes, Intrepid AND Galaxy-class phaser arrays, anti-matter mines, and Void only knew what else. The Romulans, Klingons, and the Federation had a bounty on the Blue Moon, and Luna. But the bitch had no fucking fear. She wasn't afraid of anyone, or anything. It was rumored that six of her crewmembers were BORG, and others were J'em Hadar. She was supposed to be half Romulan and half Reisian, but no one was sure, what with her blue hair and silver eyes. One thing for sure, she was the most ruthless space pirate in history, and would go after anything. Once, she was supposed to have attacked the Enterprise herself. All Fujitsu knew was that he'd been captured by her, and now he was dead. She'd gotten into her head that there was a treasure out there, more riches than the fabled lost latinum ship of Eridani. Only problem was, this treasure was in Hell. The only way to get into Hell while you were still alive was to solve a box puzzle. Only problem there- solving one of the blasted things meant certain death.

Fujitsu's species were famous for their problem solving capabilities- the only reason Luna had spared his life. She'd sealed him inside the cubicle to solve the puzzle- little did he know. Now she waited. "Think he's got what it takes?" Her first mate, Max Edison, asked. Max Edison and Luna had been friends for years, and Edison figured if anyone could find the Hell's Treasure, Luna could.

"He'd better fuckin' well solve it. I payed a hefty price for that fuckin' thing." Luna spit onto the floor, and her pet Horta rushed over to dissolve the wad of phlegm. Max grimaced. "You look like a Wargon when you do that, you skanky hell-bitch."

"Fuck you." Max flipped her mop of copper curls out of her crimson eyes. She bared her fangs and grabbed her crotch giving her captain, Luna, the finger. Skanky hell-bitch Edison may be, but a better warrior did not exist anywhere. Edison was the only non-Klingon to ever recieve a medal of Honor. No wonder she and Luna were friends.

In the cubicle, Futjitsu solved the puzzle, and his purpose was at an end. The puzzle activated, sending razored chains out, The quickly tore the unfortunate Carnes to death and ripped through the flimsy walls of the cubicle to wrap tightly around the nose of the Blue Moon. The ship's FTL activated, and reality warped, creating a space-time wormhole. THIS had been Luna's plan all along. She'd wanted Fujitsu to die in the solving of the puzzle. The puzzle wanted her, but would settle for the ship. The cubicle had been stapled to the nose of the vessel, and now the puzzle was drawing energy directly from the FTL drive itself. The Blue Moon shuddered, and began to warp between dimensions. "Hold on men! This is what we've been waiting for!" Luna bellowed into the commrelay, and the crew rallied. Treasure beyond belief, everyone trusted Luna, she'd never steered them wrong before. The fabric of reality tore, and the Blue Moon powered into Hell.

"Black Diamond to starboard, Cap'n!" S'ym, Luna's navigator shouted. Up until six months prior, S'ym had been a mindless soldier for the Borg. Now, he had a name, and a purpose, and a friend who would die to protect him. Luna's crew loved her, and she loved them.

"Trocar, release the grappling harpoon!" Luna ordered.

"Aye Cap'n." Trocar, Klingon warrior extraordinairre and weapons chief replied, hitting a button on his commpanel. The grappling harpoon, a heavy-armor-piercing harpoon- fired out of one of the starboard torpedoe tubed and punched into the large rotating Black Diamond floating in the Labrynth. Hell screeched at the violation, but no one onboard the Blue Moon gave a galactic shit. "Grappling harpoon anchored, Cap'n."

"Perfect. Alright. Trocar, Edison, S'ym, Ka'tar, and Veridian, you're with me. The rest of the crew, stay here. Battle stations people- we don't have much time. When the Cenobites realize it's us, they'll do whatever it takes to get rid of us. You remember last time." she said calmly, and her words caused the memories of their last battle with the Cenobites to surface- they'd gotten into a battle with the Cenobites over the souls of three of their crewmates, and barely gotten out. Only one of the disputed crewmates had gotten away. So now, they were after the treasure, and those crewmates. And they would get them too. "Alright men. To the transport pads." Luna ordered. She turned back to the remaining bridge crew. "Once we're down, max the shields. You know the plan. Make me proud."

The six-man team beamed down, into the Labrynth, phasers, disruptors, and blades drawn. Ka'tar, the Wargon crewmember, activated his infra-red tracking system and extended his battle claws. Wargon- whom up until recently still hunted on Earth, were intergalactic trophy hunters, and a Cenobite head would be the ultimate trophy. Veridian- who up until very recently had been an admiral in Starfleet, activated her tricorder, searching for the strong latinum and gold readings of the treasure. After a moment, she finished searching through ghost readings and false signals and locked on. Her Vulcan face remained impassive. "Captain, I have it. This way."

"Talking you out of Starfleet was the best thing I ever did." Luna said, patting Veridian on the shoulder.

"It was the financially logical thing to do. In Thomas Riker's words, "StarFleet pays dick." Veridian replied. Luna smiled, and followed the Vulcan into the Labrynth.

A large door, made of the bones of a thousand species, blocked their path. Trocar stepped forward, as did Ka'tar. They pushed, and the door swung open. Inside, a great pile of latinum and gold, reaching to the high ceiling far above. It would fit into the Blue Moon's cargo hold- but only just. They may have to leave some behind. But that wasn't all- the Cenobites were there as well. "Shit." Veridian snorted. "I knew it was too easy." Luna looked over, to get an emotional response from a Vulcan? Only here, in Hell, was it possible. She turned back to the Cenobites. The leader, Pinhead, smiled.

"Back so soon, Luna?"

"The treasure, freak." Edison snarled, flexing her blue-painted claws. "And our crewmembers you have stolen from us!" she snarled, her forked tongue flickering in the air. One of those missing crewmembers was her brother, Cobalt. If she had to kill every life form in Hell to get him back, she would.

Pinhead smiled. "Come and get it."

Luna grinned evilly. "I intend to. But not this way, Pinhead. You're going to give us what we want."

The Cenobites laughed. Angelique stepped forward, a blade in each hand. "Too long, has it been, since I flayed one of your kind, you pointy-eared freak!" she inclined her chin at Veridian, who raised one eyebrow and pointed a strange device at Angelique. "Point your worthless phasers at me!" Angelique laughed, "Your pitiful phasers do not work on us!"

Veridian smiled. "Who said this was a phaser?" Angelique's eyes widened, and the device activated, absorbing Angelique's negative feelings and energy, concetrating them and repelling then tenfold. The Cenobite princess managed one startled scream as the emotion enhancer blew her into bloody chunks. Pinhead threw up his arm to shield himself from the grisly bone shrapnel, a piece lodging in his shoulder. He snarled angrily, ripping the chunk away and turning to the Vulcan.

"Starfleet was supposed to have that under lock and key!" he growled.

"We confiscated it." Luna snorted. "We're pirates, dipshit. That's what we do." Veridian aimed again, killing the Twins and Piston. Well, not really killing, but as close as was possible in Hell. "Now, where were we? Ah yes," Luna said calmly as the blood mist cleared. Veridian had the weapon pointed skyward for the moment, but on command, she would take the rest of the Cenobites out. "We have a larger version on this weapon aboard the Blue Moon, which is presently anchored to the Black Diamond. On command, it will be activated and trained on your precious Black Diamond. What do you suppose will happen?"

Pinhead's face went white- if possible. If Luna wasn't bluffing- and she didn't bluff- and she turned this weapon on the Black Diamond, the results- "What do you want?" She had him. If the Black Diamond was destroyed- Hell's reality would unravel, and HE would cease to exist. All the Cenobites would. Not the almost death that Piston, Angelique and the Twins were suffering, and not the spirit realm either. He would be gone, permanently. "The treasure? It's yours."

Luna sighed. "It always was." she whispered, tossing a transport beacon into the pile. A sparkly blue flash, and the treasure was gone.

"Treasure aboard, Cap'n." one of the bridge crew reported. "Grappling harpoon detatched, and emotion enhancer trained on the Black Diamond. Awaiting your orders."

"Aye. Wait for my signal." she replied into her wristcomm. She turned to PinHead. "Cobalt and Matt. I want them back. Unharmed." PinHead shook his head. Luna looked to Veridian, who blew away Fatso and Dreamer. " Matt and Cobalt, Pinhead." Pinhead's eyes narrowed, and Cobalt appeared in a flash of light. He ran to his sister's side, who embraced him gratefully. One family reunited. "And now Matt." PinHead shook his head again. "Kill them all."

"Wait!" Pinhead said. "I cannot. Matt solved the puzzle. He must stay. It is the law."

"You can have Fujitsu in trade. His soul is trapped in the puzzle on my ship."

"Why do you care? Matt is a human!" Pinhead snarled.

"He is my friend. Do it!" Fujitsu wavered into reality. "You pay now, Fujitsu, for selling those Bajorans out to the Cardassians." Luna spit at Futjitsu's feet.

Matt appeared, turned to Fujitsu and punched his lights out. "I lost a friend when those Bajorans died, you worthless shit." he walked up to Luna and kissed her cheek.

"A deal. You go now." Pinhead said. Luna nodded, and the eight people beamed out, leaving Pinhead to an empty treasure room, a decimated army, and a throughly terrified Fujitsu. "You're suffering will be legendary, pitiful one." Fujitsu's scream echoed for a long time.

The Blue Moon quarked back into real space, ejected the box puzzle and blew it to smithereens with full phasers, two quantum torpedoes and an antimatter mine- better safe than sorry. The crew gathered int the holds, which were pratically bursting with Hell's treasure, and welcomed their crewmembers back. "Where to now, Cap'n?" Cobalt asked. He was with his family again, mentally scarred, but physically whole.

"Well, we could split the treasure and go our separate ways." Luna suggested. A hearty chorus of nays followed that one. "Or, we could enter the StarFleet shipping lanes and travel all the way to Fort Rexerm, the biggest latinum repository in the galaxy!"

"AYE!" was the unanimous response.

"Alright. Mr. Trocar, set coordinates for Fort Rexerm. Maximum warp."